Why WOMEN DON’T APOLOGIZE: understanding the nature of the problem

1. Introduction: The Complexity of Apologies

The topic of today’s brief talk is why women don’t apologize. I’m 50 years old, and I can count on one hand the number of apologies I’ve received from women in my life. That doesn’t mean I’ve only been in relationships with honest, well-behaved women of high integrity over the past four decades. What it means is that women seem to find it very difficult to apologize for bad behavior. This is unfortunate for two reasons. First, apologizing for something you’ve done wrong is an interpersonal slam dunk; almost everyone will forgive you when you admit your mistake.

2. The Value of a Sincere Apology

Not everyone will forgive you for being right, but almost everyone will forgive you when you admit your mistake, especially if the other person is simply correct. Second, apologies just seem to mean more to men, and using words to resolve a relationship problem is actually a very simple and cost-effective solution. So, ladies, one of the best ways to earn respect and raise your estimation in someone’s mind is to admit mistakes when appropriate and, of course, not apologize when there’s no fault and the other person simply disagrees or disapproves of your actions.

3. Understanding the Issue: Different Perspectives

Now, the reason why it’s so difficult for women to apologize is that there seems to be a difference in what men and women consider the problem. From a man’s perspective, the behavior is the problem, and the emotional reaction is the result. However, from a woman’s perspective, the problem is that the man is angry and upset. The behavior is not so much the primary issue but rather the emotional response it triggers.

4. Emotional Coping Strategies in Women

From the female perspective, it’s the anger and distress that are considered the fault, and in her mind, the solution to this problem is changing the way he feels. If she can succeed in altering the man’s emotional response, that would solve the problem. So instead of apologies and taking responsibility, you often see emotional coping strategies, such as trying to cheer you up, making your favorite meal, sending you a funny meme, or simply giving it enough time for everything to blow over.

5. Sex as a Form of Reconciliation

Women can also infamously use sex as a way of apologizing. Many years ago, I was out for a drink with a woman I was dating, and things escalated quickly after a misunderstanding. Later that night, instead of an apology, she offered physical intimacy as a sort of peace offering. It seemed like she was using sex as a way to sidestep the problem without taking direct responsibility for her actions. However, this was not an effective solution to the actual problem.

6. The Importance of Direct Communication

In many cases, direct communication and taking responsibility are the keys to resolving relationship issues. Men respect people who take responsibility for their actions. By genuinely admitting your mistakes and apologizing, you can build a stronger foundation in a relationship. So, ladies, offering a sincere apology can be a powerful way to distinguish yourself and earn respect in a relationship. On the other hand, gentlemen, it’s important to show understanding and patience and be open to different forms of communication.

7. Conclusion: The Power of Responsibility and Understanding

The power of a sincere apology should not be underestimated. It is a simple act that can evoke deep feelings of respect and understanding. On the other hand, it’s important for both men and women to understand each other and be open to different communication styles. Both men and women have a responsibility to work on better communication and understanding in their relationships. By collaborating and respecting each other’s perspectives, we can achieve a deeper level of connection and trust.

Link: YouTube video

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